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| I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and let some of those things go that I always carry around.
To someone special:
You were right, I've always held onto the past and it's prevented me from seeing the amazing things that are right in front of my face. Holding on too tight to lost opportunities, mistakes, and regrets that I've lost so many special people that have been right in front of my face. I took your advice, I wrote the letter, and later this week I plan on printing it out and sending it on it's way.
But I'm also trying to let our pass go so yesterday I took off the necklace, and put it into my desk. It's not that I don't appreciate it and it's nto taht you don't matter anymore, but it just hurts too much to carry it aroudn with me, knowing that you've moved so far and there's nothign left back there. it's jsut time for me to realize that. I hope this all works out.
Letting things go one step at a time, rebuilding me again.
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| do you ever wonder if the reason your in so many fights isn't because of the other person, but because of yourself.
Am i just confrontational? Do I go out of my way to pick a fight?
So often I think, it wasn't me it was them, they chose this or I was just standing up for what i believe in, but now I wonder, maybe I'm just the one thats starting all the shit and all the drama. I do have the history for it, I do have the past with all the fights and the verbal disagreements, and the yelling and the fighting.
i love the debate, i love the passion, i just hate the anger, the emotion drain, and the resentment that always exists after wards.
But, I would like some honest opinons, i just want to get a better sense of who i really am.
would you say I'm confrontational?
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| Hey you guys it's been a while
you have me all turned around
looking for a place to put my feet on the ground
the emotions are all churned up
hoping our friendship will make it through this bump
your words carry so much weight
for you have been my closest friend as of late
i'm back on the road running in the middle of the night
sitting at my computer writing with out any lights
it's like a blast from the past
except i'm hoping that this doesn't last
i just want to hear that we're okay
and I hope that you feel the same
I don't know what i did, but im sorry
and I am really trying hard not to worry
just call me back soon and say its alright
so I don't have to think about it in the middle of the night
I miss you, even though it's only been like 2 days.
On to life,
Sometimes you have those dreams in your life, dance teams you want to be a part of, and then you make it only to realize that the hype you had built up was unachieveable. But it's okay, because while it's not what i imagined, there's wonderful parts about it I hadn't imagined yet either.
i feel like im changing, and i dunno who i am so I hold onto who i think i am
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| I think I always return here because words come so much easier then a lot of things in my life. It seems so simple to type it all out, instead of talking about it.
For graduation I was given this motivational quote in a picture. It discussed how you can choose the things you do in your life, but you can't choose what things you feel passionately about. Follow those things.
It made me realize, I love to dance, it has consumed my life these past 4 years, and I'm not quite done with it yet. I'm moving back to SD for a quarter of school, for job opportunities, but more importantly to dance. Not because I need to, not because its the best thing to do for my career,, but its because it is what I'm most passionate about and for a short period of time I'm going to be selfish and do it.
I was in RIMAC today dancing, trying to choreograph a piece and I realize that I'm not the best choreographer, the movement doesn't come easily and it seems so repetitive or without any control, but I realized that I wish I could dance with my whole heart. To be able to express all teh feelings that this song is making me feel in a beautiful piece that would connect with the audience. I wish I could make that piece and show everyone watching a little bit of my heart.
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